Dear Santa Klaus,
I hope you got my last letter, just thought I’d check in, find out what progress you’ve made in acquiring my shiny new Bazooka.
I know, I know, I’m a tad impatient. But I’m not about to take any chances bro.
So…in my first letter, I did say only Mr. Danfo Driver (and maybe a couple of his cronies) would get to experience my Bazooka Extravaganza.
Truth is, I’ve got a looong ass list of people/organisations/entities who have totally earned a right to get a VVIP ticket on the Bazooka Express in December.
I call it my S’Hit List (the S is silent)
Some of them are personal.
Some are just because.
Some are favours on behalf of aggrieved friends.
The rest are part of my selfless service to the community.
Either way, if your name is on my list:
So Mr. Klaus, I’ll be sending you a breakdown of why each person on my S’Hit List (the S is silent) deserves to be there.
I know you won’t approve of all of this, but be a good sport will ya?
Hear/read me out first.
I’m sorry about the photo of the child with the (accidental) middle finger in my last letter. I assure you, it was purely an attempt to illustrate how my own single-digit gesture happened. Completely innocent.
I hope you don’t hold it against me.
But just in case you can’t help yourself, and you decide to be a total hard ass about it, Look what I found:
Well, well, well…Brother Klaus,
“is this how you use to do?”
Quite an impressive example you’re setting here.
Bad Santa. Imagine the scenes if this gets out Bro.
I’m not saying I’d show anyone this photo if I don’t get my Bazooka, but you never know who could snoop around and “accidentally” find it on my phone. Damned digital age. No secret is safe anymore…
This is not a threat. I’m just trying to “persuade” you to do what’s best for both of us.
You get my drift, eh Beardie?